I have been wanting to write about this for a while but I haven’t been able to figure out how to actually write all my thoughts down. My journey through body confidence, trying to help others who have dealt with not loving their body, there’s a lot. It’s hard for me to write about body positivity and loving how you look and not sound hypocritical because so often, I don’t love my body. I look at it and I think: Oh, if only I was skinnier. If my eyes were a brighter green, if I had ___. The list could go on and on. When I do that, I think that’s what will make me prettier, more beautiful. If I was 10 pounds lighter, then I’d be beautiful. But the problem is that that won’t make me prettier. I’m finally realizing that. Let’s talk, ok? This post may be confusing, just a little heads up 😉
I never seemed to notice my outward appearance until I started blogging. Really, up until 4 or 5 months ago, I barely noticed that I wasn’t as skinny as most well-known bloggers. I didn’t have long hair, like most bloggers. No thigh gap? No problem.
There’s a few things that changed mythought process on how I looked. The first was becoming friends with absolutely stunning bloggers. I love being able to meet all types of women through blogging, first off. Also, I’m not hating at all. There are a lot of body types in the world, but bloggers tend to be skinny. Very skinny. Skinny = gorgeous in most books. We look at models, they’re skinny. We look at actors, musicians, anyone in the spotlight and they tend to be skinny. And they are praised for being skinny. I’m not skinny, I am a petite curvy gal. The thing is, after a while, I started noticing these bloggers being skinny and thinking: I need to be skinny. I should be looking like all these other rockstar bloggers. Why aren’t I skinny?
I just want to accept the fact that I don’t need to be skinny to be a blogger. I may think, at times, I need to be, but that’s not necessary. Skinny does not equal gorgeous. Repeat, repeat, repeat. I know that, but why can’t I believe it?
It’s hard, being a blogger. I started getting a lot of DM’s, messages, emails, on how I was too fat. How I wasn’t pretty. You have a zit, why didn’t you photoshop that? All of that plus more. It messes with you. It changes how you see yourself, how you think other people see you. You start to believe it. And it’s near impossible to change that thought process. How do you see yourself as beautiful when you are constantly told you are not?
Yes, it’s hard, being bulled by people. You change how you see beauty. I started to realize that beauty isn’t what your body looks like. How much your weigh or what color your hair is doesn’t determine whether you are beautiful or not. Your personality, your smile, you being able to laugh and be happy through the hard times, that’s what’s beautiful. You being you.
Yes, there are people who are absolutely stunning (oh hey, Iskra Lawrence). Yes, there are people who weren’t blessed with looks. That’s okay. The thing is, there is always going to be someone you view as prettier then you. And you see those people as icing on the cake, could actually be a VS model. And those people? They probably have body image issues. Most people do (guys including).
I am going to be 1000% honest with you. I am not in love with my body. Will I ever be? Hope so. But, at this point in my life, I am happy (ish) with my body. I’m at the point in my life where I know I’m not absolutely breathtaking but I’m confident in how I look. I can walk, I can run, I can smile, I can do so much. I was a little nervous about this shoot, even while taking these photos I was anxious but at the same time I was thinking/saying, this is how I look. Not much I can do about it (except the sunglasses helped with the no-makeup, oops!).
I wasn’t sure how I would feel showing off my bod, but I love how these pictures turned out. They captured me. Not just my body, but my personality and how I was feeling during this shoot (anxious and excited, eek!).
I’m now at the point of my life where there isn’t a purpose is constantly worrying about how I look and how others look at me. I’m confident in how I look, because I know I look like me and that’s what people find beautiful. Let’s get real, I would make a terrifying Kendall Jenner.
We are our own worst critics. I dislike my chin and hands. It’s weird, I know. But I’ve always been so self-conscious of my chin and hands. I KNOW. I bet 90% of you barely noticed either of those. We find one tiny little thing and constantly stare and critique at it. All the people that sent me messages about my body didn’t make one peep about what my chin.
Here’s the thing, my final thought, what you should take away from the entire blog post: Most of us are self-conscious of our bodies. There’s something we critique over and over. But at some point, you have to come to the conclusion that critiquing how you look makes it that much worse. Accept it, because it makes you..you. Embrace it. Own it. It won’t be a one and done deal, it will take a while. I’m still learning. I literally just commented about how I hated my chin to my sister. Day by day, though, we can all learn to love our bodies. No matter how we look, what we ate that day (or didn’t eat that day), we will still have those same thoughts in our mind. Change how you think. Slowly but surely.