the journey.

I have been wanting to write about this for a while but I haven’t been able to figure out how to actually write all my thoughts down. My journey through body confidence, trying to help others who have dealt with not loving their body, there’s a lot. It’s hard for me to write about body positivity and loving how you look and not sound hypocritical because so often, I don’t love my body. I look at it and I think: Oh, if only I was skinnier. If my eyes were a brighter green, if I had ___. The list could go on and on. When I do that, I think that’s what will make me prettier, more beautiful. If I was 10 pounds lighter, then I’d be beautiful. But the problem is that that won’t make me prettier. I’m finally realizing that. Let’s talk, ok? This post may be confusing, just a little heads up 😉

I never seemed to notice my outward appearance until I started blogging. Really, up until 4 or 5 months ago, I barely noticed that I wasn’t as skinny as most well-known bloggers. I didn’t have long hair, like most bloggers. No thigh gap? No problem.

There’s a few things that changed mythought process on how I looked. The first was becoming friends with absolutely stunning bloggers. I love being able to meet all types of women through blogging, first off. Also, I’m not hating at all. There are a lot of body types in the world, but bloggers tend to be skinny. Very skinny. Skinny = gorgeous in most books. We look at models, they’re skinny. We look at actors, musicians, anyone in the spotlight and they tend to be skinny. And they are praised for being skinny. I’m not skinny, I am a petite curvy gal. The thing is, after a while, I started noticing these bloggers being skinny and thinking: I need to be skinny. I should be looking like all these other rockstar bloggers. Why aren’t I skinny?

I just want to accept the fact that I don’t need to be skinny to be a blogger. I may think, at times, I need to be, but that’s not necessary. Skinny does not equal gorgeous. Repeat, repeat, repeat. I know that, but why can’t I believe it?

 

It’s hard, being a blogger. I started getting a lot of DM’s, messages, emails, on how I was too fat. How I wasn’t pretty. You have a zit, why didn’t you photoshop that? All of that plus more. It messes with you. It changes how you see yourself, how you think other people see you. You start to believe it. And it’s near impossible to change that thought process. How do you see yourself as beautiful when you are constantly told you are not?

Yes, it’s hard, being bulled by people. You change how you see beauty. I started to realize that beauty isn’t what your body looks like. How much your weigh or what color your hair is doesn’t determine whether you are beautiful or not. Your personality, your smile, you being able to laugh and be happy through the hard times, that’s what’s beautiful. You being you.

Yes, there are people who are absolutely stunning (oh hey, Iskra Lawrence). Yes, there are people who weren’t blessed with looks. That’s okay. The thing is, there is always going to be someone you view as prettier then you. And you see those people as icing on the cake, could actually be a VS model. And those people? They probably have body image issues. Most people do (guys including).

I am going to be 1000% honest with you. I am not in love with my body. Will I ever be? Hope so. But, at this point in my life, I am happy (ish) with my body. I’m at the point in my life where I know I’m not absolutely breathtaking but I’m confident in how I look. I can walk, I can run, I can smile, I can do so much. I was a little nervous about this shoot, even while taking these photos I was anxious but at the same time I was thinking/saying, this is how I look. Not much I can do about it (except the sunglasses helped with the no-makeup, oops!).

I wasn’t sure how I would feel showing off my bod, but I love how these pictures turned out. They captured me. Not just my body, but my personality and how I was feeling during this shoot (anxious and excited, eek!).

I’m now at the point of my life where there isn’t a purpose is constantly worrying about how I look and how others look at me. I’m confident in how I look, because I know I look like me and that’s what people find beautiful. Let’s get real, I would make a terrifying Kendall Jenner.

We are our own worst critics. I dislike my chin and hands. It’s weird, I know. But I’ve always been so self-conscious of my chin and hands. I KNOW. I bet 90% of you barely noticed either of those. We find one tiny little thing and constantly stare and critique at it. All the people that sent me messages about my body didn’t make one peep about what my chin.

Here’s the thing, my final thought, what you should take away from the entire blog post: Most of us are self-conscious of our bodies. There’s something we critique over and over. But at some point, you have to come to the conclusion that critiquing how you look makes it that much worse. Accept it, because it makes you..you. Embrace it. Own it. It won’t be a one and done deal, it will take a while. I’m still learning. I literally just commented about how I hated my chin to my sister. Day by day, though, we can all learn to love our bodies. No matter how we look, what we ate that day (or didn’t eat that day), we will still have those same thoughts in our mind. Change how you think. Slowly but surely.

Comments

  • Phyllis Pometta

    You look great! You should never feel like you can’t or shouldn’t be yourself…because you’re perfect!

    • Lydia
      Phyllis Pometta

      Awe, thank you so much!

  • melissa chapman

    I have to say you look great and have a great body. I am a bit older but never looked as good as you. In general we all have to be happy with ourselves and improve the things that we are lacking in.

    • Lydia
      melissa chapman

      Thank you Melissa! And I agree for sure.

  • Marcie

    Wait, I’m still trying to understand how anyone could label you as anything other than thin. You seem super slender. I’m glad you are trying to let the comments roll off you now.

    • Lydia
      Marcie

      It’s amazing what some people will say 😳 Thanks Marcie!

  • Brianne

    Girl you are gorgeous, and do need to look like anybody else to be a blogger! But I do get what you are saying. Being in this space is hard sometimes to not compare yourselves to others!

    • Lydia
      Brianne

      Thank you so so much, Brianne! I found myself comparing my body to so many other bloggers and that was the worst part. I agree so much, you don’t need to look like anybody else.

  • Terri Steffes

    Amen sister! I am NOT a skinny blogger and I have often wondered if that is what has kept me from success. Like if people turned away because I am fat. It has punched my self confidence, for sure, but not deflated it. I’ll keep pushing on!

    • Lydia
      Terri Steffes

      Keep it up girl, you DON’T need to be skinny. It’s so hard to really believe that but keep on pushing!

  • Karen Morse

    People have this expectation with bloggers, especially fashion bloggers. The reason we’re more accepted as brand ambassadors is that we represent real women, without the air brush and the photoshopped pictures. You look stunning and it’s important that you’re happy with your body no matter what others say.

    • Lydia
      Karen Morse

      Oh yes, I know so many brands love that. Of course, some don’t and are very selective and want only the airbrushed and photoshopped babes. Thank you so so much, Karen!

  • Jessica Joachim

    I found the things we are most self conscious about, others actually tend to barely notice. I have been working hard to love my body and be confident. I have 2 small kids, one is a daughter and I want both of them to love who they are. That needs to start with me because kids model what they see.

    • Lydia
      Jessica Joachim

      I had a conversation with a few of my friends and I told them how insecure I was about my chin (HA.) They were shocked and didn’t believe me. I agree so much with what you commented, what we are self conscious about, most don’t notice. I love that you’re working hard to love your body, especially with a young daughter!

  • Stephanie

    I LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE THIS POST. I am working on loving myself through a huge weight loss. I know that I’m not the only one who has struggled with loving what I see. Thank you for sharing your heart.

    • Lydia
      Stephanie

      THANK YOU THANK YOU. That means so much to me, Stephanie 🙂

  • Cindy Ingalls

    You look amazing. I think we all suffer from body shame, especially when we compare ourselves to others. Often we forget that no one is perfect and that photoshop can go a long way to make bodies look just so.

    • Lydia
      Cindy Ingalls

      Thank you Cindy!

  • reesa

    Being up there on that paddle board is HUGE! That is no easy feat! Good for you for accepting your own personal journey!

    • Lydia
      reesa

      Haha, thank you Reesa! I love paddle boarding, one of my favorite things to do in the summer.

  • Debbie Savage

    You look absolutely amazing! I love the style of your two-piece suit!!! I have never tried paddle boarding yet – you have definitely inspired me! Happy weekend friend!

    • Lydia
      Debbie Savage

      Thank you Debbie! Yes, try paddle boarding. It’s actually really easy, don’t be intimidated by it!

  • Heather

    How cute is your suit?! My eight year old daughter has really been wanting to try stand up paddle boarding! She’s a competitive rock climber and would be awesome and this activity!

    • Lydia
      Heather

      Isn’t it cute? I’m living for the bottoms (that were under $5, score). Take her, she would LOVE it! Thanks heather 🙂

  • Jeanine

    You look fantastic! That bathing suit is just lovely! I would love to try paddle boarding. It looks like it would be a ton of fun!

    • Lydia
      Jeanine

      Thank you so very much Jeanine!

  • Renee @ The Good Hearted Woman

    First of all, you look amazing! Second, if being young and thin are requirements for being a blogger, I’m in deep trouble! 😉 I think one of the best gifts you can give yourself is learning to love yourself and the skin you’re in. It’s taken me a long time, but I’m there (most days), and it feels great.

    • Lydia
      Renee @ The Good Hearted Woman

      Ah, yes! So many struggle with it (I do to, sometimes) and being able to love yourself and your body is an amazing thing. Thank you so much, Renee!

  • SOfia

    So honest post! Love reading this and it’s very empowering to share your own experience x

    • Lydia
      SOfia

      Thank you love, I agree!

  • Brittany

    I love this so much. Body confidence is something I have struggled with for a long time. I am always trying to work on it.

    • Lydia
      Brittany

      Thanks Brittany! Keep on going, you’re gorgeous.

  • Selma Ali

    Your post was really deep Lydia. Thank you so much for sharing the way you feel about your body. I feel like I can relate to you a lot. I always criticize my body. I feel like I constantly need to remind myself to be happy with what I was given with instead continuing to question why I don’t have a flat stomach or why I am not tall enough. If you ever need to speak, please feel free to message me! Other than your great content, you look beautiful and that view is amazing!

    • Lydia
      Selma Ali

      Awe, thank you so much Selma! Yes, exactly. We both have so much a lot of other people don’t have! I will for sure, thanks babe 🙂

  • Gabriella Zacche

    I loooove your post! And I think it’ll be so helpful for some girls that just don’t accept their figures.

  • Nina

    Babe what an honest and inspiring post – I LOVED it!! I think it’s true that most people aren’t 1000% happy with our bodies; we all have flaws, and we are definitely our own worst critics! But inner beauty is definitely more important and what makes us unique ! Xxx

    • Lydia
      Nina

      Thank you so very much, Nina! I have loved reading and responding to comments because everyone has had a different though. I love what you said, inner beauty is much more important (and makes us even more beautiful, you shine from the inside)!